Random Pet Peeves

No 1: People who don’t re-rack their weights at the gym

rerack weights

Look, I get it bro? All right? I do. All those 35lb dumbbell curls and lateral ‘raises’ supersets have really done a number on your guns. Man, they’re so pumped right now that they’re more dangerous than a loaded shotgun! That set was so intense that your arms must have zero strength left! So yes, I totally understand why you can’t muster up your last remaining strengths to pick up the dumbbells you were just lifting for 8 to 12 reps (hypertrophy, bro!) just a minute ago right? Got to save that strength to pick up your dirty shaker bottle to take a sip of your whey protein, right? (on a side note, check out The Protein Investor to make sure you always get the best deals)

Wow, that 2 plate bench press was ALL YOU BRO! Nevermind your spotter getting in a little bent over row workout on his own. Anyway, just leave the loaded bar over there, it’s totally cool, that way everybody can see how much you lift bro.

Solution: Kill yourselves.

No 2: People who keep up with the Kardashians


Did you hear about Kim and Kanye? What about Bruce and Caitlyn? His/her daughters? The Jenners? You don’t? Have you been living under a rock the whole time? Sorry girl, but ain’t nobody got time for that pop culture bullshit? Seriously, what’s up with this whole celebrity infatuation?

My theory is that people who don’t have a lot going on with their own lives vicariously live through their favorite celebrities. Their glamorous lives, their fame, the drama, oh, if only they could be part of it! Well guess what, fool? You can’t! All you’re doing is making them richer with your attention. Observe this 100% real mathematical proof:

Giving someone your attention = Giving them your time. And since Time = Money, Giving someone your attention = Giving them your money.

Consider that bitch!

Solution: Get a life! And start with Tim Ferriss’ low-information diet. Or start your own blog and start profiting from other people’s attention on you!

No 3: Fat people who complain about being fat.

forrest gump fat

Oh no, fat shaming! I would worry about mob justice except we all know that a fat mob will never get anywhere! Seriously, I think the police would just have to close one street at most, and it’ll probably a street with the local Chinese buffet or Golden Corral anyway. But I digress.

We all know that one overweight friend, family member, or co-worker who just simply can’t lose weight. It’s ‘genetics’, it’s ‘bone structure’, and it’s ‘counting calories doesn’t work’ (obviously because the laws of thermodynamics do not apply to your miracle body. Of course, the best one is when they complain about their weight while eating an obviously unhealthy food. Yup, the whole “I just can’t lose weight!” rant while slamming down a Krispy Kreme donut is just priceless.

Listen up and listen up good. Do not accept being fat. Accepting being fat is defeatism. If you have been fat your whole life, then you have never known how simply awesome it feels to be in good shape. Make no mistake, I do enjoy the occasional treat, but it doesn’t outweigh (heh) the benefits of having a healthy lifestyle. Let me hit you with this:

In a 24 hour period, do you spend more time with food in your mouth or without? I would say even the world’s biggest glutton would not have spent more time with food in his mouth compared to without. When you live a healthy lifestyle, yes, the time spent with food in your mouth is definitely less fun than when you are eating ‘delicious foods’ all day, but guess what? The time you spend without food in your mouth is immeasurably more awesome! Better energy, better focus, better everything! And once your body adapts to healthy foods, you will even stop craving those delicious snacks and desserts you once loved!

Solution: Less complaining, more action. Seriously, it’s worth it.